LRT — broadcast
20260920 083000 UTC
429 transcript segments
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[00:00:00] stop and what was turns into eternal is here
[00:00:03] always listen but
[00:00:05] whenever
[00:00:08] LRT radio comes.
[00:00:50] Hello, my name is Ima and today I am visiting my former
[00:00:53] school.
[00:01:00] "I am sick with
[00:01:01] anorexia.
[00:01:06] Eating disorders are a psychological and physical condition
[00:01:09] characterized by distorted relationships with food and
[00:01:13] excessive body weight control. The most common
[00:01:16] are anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and
[00:01:19] binge eating. Eating disorders eventually damage
[00:01:23] the heart, digestive system, bones, teeth and mouth, and
[00:01:26] lead to a series of other diseases or even death.
[00:01:40] "It all started with bulimia, for a few months I had
[00:01:44] bulimia and it developed into
[00:01:47] anorexia, from anorexia it then
[00:01:51] became orthorexia, but
[00:01:53] after being admitted to the hospital I managed to fight it and to this
[00:01:57] day I have a task"
[00:02:01] to overcome anorexia, I still
[00:02:05] haven't uncovered what that
[00:02:08] source is, what is the basis of my illness,
[00:02:12] of course there are certain
[00:02:16] clear factors that exacerbated it and from which I
[00:02:19] relapsed very quickly,
[00:02:21] but what could have influenced
[00:02:25] me to feel that
[00:02:28] self-hatred, hatred for my body, and I
[00:02:31] would block myself
[00:02:34] from life with hunger, I still don't know to this
[00:02:38] day,
[00:02:42] when I remember, for example, my adolescence
[00:02:46] and the bullying I experienced
[00:02:49] at school because of my body type, I
[00:02:53] felt much worse and
[00:02:57] everything was much harder to
[00:03:00] endure than working as a model and
[00:03:04] hearing from time to time that I am either too feminine or too
[00:03:07] fat or that my body type
[00:03:11] is unsuitable, I remember that bullying affected
[00:03:15] me and I think it affected me much more strongly and
[00:03:18] deeply than modeling
[00:03:20] standards.
[00:03:32] "It all started in seventh grade,
[00:03:36] um,
[00:03:38] it was a very difficult period, actually, um,
[00:03:42] one girl,
[00:03:45] who was my best friend at the time, started
[00:03:47] bullying me, when I got an offer
[00:03:51] to work as a model and I just
[00:03:54] remember that the next day I came to school and
[00:03:57] none of my classmates
[00:04:01] talked to me and
[00:04:04] over time the whole
[00:04:07] school laughed and mocked me,
[00:04:11] the whole school, I only communicated with my
[00:04:15] cousin, but I didn't have anyone,
[00:04:18] not a single person who would communicate with me, and it all
[00:04:22] started from my body type, everyone mocked me for being
[00:04:26] very thin, that I was called "Valenta"
[00:04:30] that was such a top one,
[00:04:33] also from September until the end of winter
[00:04:37] they simply called me names verbally, and then
[00:04:40] I remember there was a period when
[00:04:42] I
[00:04:46] tried to leave school and
[00:04:49] older boys surrounded me in a circle and
[00:04:53] said something, "a tree came out, let's push
[00:04:56] it", and they just pushed me in the schoolyard.
[00:05:00] one from another, so I remember,
[00:05:04] for good months, I just waited until
[00:05:07] more time passed, or until all the children left school or
[00:05:11] classes started again so that I would be alone in the yard,
[00:05:14] so that I could walk to the
[00:05:16] bus stop alone,
[00:05:23] an inhumanly, inhumanly difficult period,
[00:05:27] because
[00:05:30] I felt very, very unsafe, very
[00:05:32] unsafe, I remember
[00:05:35] very
[00:05:37] much I was angry with myself that I, that I am
[00:05:41] like this. "That I look like this, I
[00:05:44] remember, I prayed that
[00:05:47] I would mature faster, I would gain weight, become
[00:05:51] rounder,
[00:05:54] and it went on like this for a whole year, every day,
[00:05:58] I would come home from
[00:06:01] school and I remember,
[00:06:05] I would tremble, cry and it was
[00:06:09] very, very difficult."
[00:06:15] "The family saw and
[00:06:16] heard, and my mommy very much
[00:06:20] m
[00:06:23] supported me and helped me fight, but she was very
[00:06:27] strict at that
[00:06:30] time, I only remember
[00:06:33] that she very often said, pull yourself together,
[00:06:37] focus, you are not a loser, you are strong, you
[00:06:40] must be strong, you now..."
[00:06:42] "raise your head and don't cry in front of them, don't show them that it hurts, because they
[00:06:46] only want that, I would be a child, well
[00:06:50] for me, what is strong, well it hurts me, I
[00:06:53] just and you at school, I remember, you go
[00:06:57] there and try to hold back all those tears and be
[00:07:00] strong, you come home and you also have to be
[00:07:03] strong, so I remember that at that
[00:07:07] time it seemed that vulnerability is
[00:07:10] weakness, that I cannot show that I am vulnerable, that it hurts
[00:07:13] me, that I am sensitive,
[00:07:16] for a child who is experiencing or suffering from bullying, I think
[00:07:20] it is very, very important to have a safe
[00:07:23] space, to find that safe space, and I would very
[00:07:27] much suggest creating it with an older person, whether it
[00:07:30] be a father or a mother, or perhaps a
[00:07:33] teacher.
[00:07:46] "I think a teacher is precisely the person who can notice a lot,
[00:07:50] sometimes and most often parents notice
[00:07:52] less and teachers tell parents
[00:07:56] to look, something is wrong, and parents think that everything is
[00:07:59] fine, because children still spend most of the
[00:08:03] day at school, of course, then all the clubs, the family
[00:08:06] gathers mostly, I guess, at the dinner table, so
[00:08:10] I think teachers are the ones who..." can press that
[00:08:13] signal and tell parents to do
[00:08:17] something,
[00:08:19] if we are talking about eating disorders
[00:08:23] and about eating, then the teacher first sees
[00:08:26] the child's attentiveness in class, he knows what kind of child
[00:08:29] he was before, what happened to the child, for example, it could be
[00:08:33] one time he didn't get enough sleep, maybe another time something happened,
[00:08:37] but if it's related to eating, then you constantly see that child
[00:08:41] is either lethargic or... apathetic or has no
[00:08:43] energy, or is very irritable, there are many
[00:08:47] such nuances, such psychological characteristics,
[00:08:50] especially if you observe the child in class, and for example, if you have the opportunity to see
[00:08:54] them during a break, then you can certainly observe, after all,
[00:08:58] if you have such a strong bond and relationship with
[00:09:01] the child, often, if you ask the child once,
[00:09:04] another time, and he
[00:09:05] confides,
[00:09:09] how to get the child to talk and find that kind of. child's heart,
[00:09:13] yes, that is, perhaps it is an art, it is a calling
[00:09:17] of a teacher, but probably the main thing is, if you care about
[00:09:21] that child, then you will always get him to talk, just like
[00:09:24] in a family, if you care about family members, then you will always
[00:09:28] talk to them, notice and know, one might need to be
[00:09:31] left alone and slowly encouraged to talk, another might
[00:09:35] need to be asked directly, so
[00:09:38] I somehow think that teachers, if they have chosen this
[00:09:41] job, and they work, then I believe
[00:09:44] that they have the talent to
[00:09:47] get them to talk, to find that way to the child's
[00:09:50] heart, and so that the child can
[00:09:53] really speak up,
[00:10:00] it is a very, very difficult psychological illness, which
[00:10:04] requires, um, probably a lot of courage,
[00:10:08] a lot of work on oneself,
[00:10:10] it is very commendable. well, when that
[00:10:14] teenager simply calls to say
[00:10:16] that I simply cannot look at my
[00:10:20] body, it is ugly to me,
[00:10:23] I think that is... is every teenager's
[00:10:26] victory, because he is already looking for an answer and seeking
[00:10:30] help, that is the first small step, from
[00:10:33] which recovery
[00:10:34] can begin.
[00:10:39] throughout my life it is very difficult
[00:10:42] to establish a peaceful relationship with my body, because
[00:10:46] in childhood, adolescence I was mocked for being
[00:10:50] thin and too thin, I
[00:10:52] remember.
[00:10:55] I did and wanted everything to be rounder, to be
[00:10:59] fatter, then I started working as a model
[00:11:03] and
[00:11:07] I worked from 14
[00:11:10] years old until
[00:11:12] 18 I worked with haute couture, where that
[00:11:16] thin body was a privilege, a plus
[00:11:20] and then, I remember, when I was 18, I
[00:11:23] only then started to mature. I became very feminine
[00:11:26] and I thought, finally I have, in that sense, breasts
[00:11:30] and hips appeared, I
[00:11:34] then started hearing from my agencies that I
[00:11:37] was too feminine, this is not good, I started not fitting my
[00:11:41] clients, I then remember, I just
[00:11:44] thought, what do you want from me, I mean, I fought
[00:11:48] all my life
[00:11:51] with that thinness, I wanted to be.
[00:11:55] and when I, but I wasn't even fat, I mean, I just became
[00:11:58] feminine, and when I became a woman, I started hearing
[00:12:02] that thinness is good,
[00:12:04] and I somehow, I don't know,
[00:12:08] all my life it seemed I didn't accept myself as
[00:12:11] I am, because I didn't have
[00:12:14] a safe space to simply enjoy and
[00:12:17] simply be who I
[00:12:19] am,
[00:12:23] an eating disorder is not. a relationship with food, it
[00:12:27] is a relationship with oneself and a relationship with the environment, I
[00:12:30] am somehow insufficient, something is wrong with me, what do I
[00:12:34] have to do, I have to change something, right, it goes through weight,
[00:12:38] for example, I don't have, I don't have a relationship with my family, right, there are no
[00:12:41] warm relationships, I don't have friends, so the child then loses
[00:12:45] such basic needs, there is no security, no
[00:12:48] attachment, no support, no boundaries,
[00:12:52] starts to think, something must be wrong with me.
[00:12:55] "If I lose weight, maybe
[00:12:59] they will start to love me, maybe they will look at me differently, I
[00:13:02] am probably somehow not right, that's why this is happening to me, there are
[00:13:06] five-year-old girls who are dieting, there are
[00:13:09] 10-year-olds who are already dissatisfied with their bodies
[00:13:13] and trying to change, and boys and girls suffer
[00:13:16] equally from the same feelings, from shame, from guilt, from
[00:13:20] non-acceptance, why there are more girls, maybe they
[00:13:24] talk about it more. more noticeable, but of course
[00:13:27] you can also understand why, well, a woman's body, no matter what, is discussed
[00:13:31] more, there are more nuances about
[00:13:34] it, there are more stereotypical views about it, it is talked about
[00:13:38] more, the body is more sexualized and
[00:13:41] girls are much more often told about how they can achieve
[00:13:45] success through their body, through their appearance, how they look,
[00:13:49] boys, they perhaps look at it a little
[00:13:52] differently, they focus more on muscles. on
[00:13:55] definition, on nutrition, well, a little differently, it's not as
[00:13:59] noticeable, but yes, I can confidently say that boys suffer
[00:14:03] just as much from it, eating disorder, that
[00:14:06] will not be a sprint
[00:14:09] in treatment, but will be a marathon that
[00:14:12] will continue, continue and continue and you will still need to come back
[00:14:16] to it, to check, to verify, if everything is still well,
[00:14:19] that disease has accompanied me for
[00:14:21] almost my entire life,
[00:14:25] and from adolescence, I
[00:14:29] had a difficult relationship with my parents, a difficult relationship
[00:14:33] with my mother, my mother had a difficult relationship with her
[00:14:36] body, she always tried to
[00:14:40] lose weight, to draw attention to certain
[00:14:44] parts of her body,
[00:14:47] attention in front of her children, so
[00:14:50] in front of me and my sister, and in reality I grew up
[00:14:54] not... "the personality that
[00:14:57] imagines herself, but I see my mother
[00:15:01] I try to continue that story and truly
[00:15:04] lose weight, truly please,
[00:15:08] truly satisfy, truly
[00:15:10] be that victim a continuation of
[00:15:13] my mother and that is very difficult,
[00:15:17] because it is a struggle throughout my whole
[00:15:20] life.
[00:15:27] "And it's really easy for parents to overlook
[00:15:30] and miss things, because we're all caught up in our routines,
[00:15:33] working, and we really don't notice
[00:15:36] most of the time, because, well..." We see the child with a backpack, if we drive them in the car,
[00:15:40] we get in the car, all with our worries, work, when we come back in the evening,
[00:15:44] we rush again, run, at the table, when you sit down, again the
[00:15:48] child is in all their clothes, you can't notice every day,
[00:15:51] seeing a person, whether they have become very thin or
[00:15:55] fatter, maybe for me it's such a
[00:15:58] personal experience, I am the same
[00:16:01] mother who overlooked her
[00:16:03] eldest daughter.
[00:16:07] "until someone from the outside told me, the teachers started
[00:16:10] saying, then friends started saying, don't
[00:16:14] you see, I say no, no, everything's fine, everything's beautiful, she's just
[00:16:17] a dancer, just thin, everyone
[00:16:21] places her everywhere, everything goes well for her, cheerful, smiling up to
[00:16:24] her ears, everything seems fine, when they started telling me, I now
[00:16:28] also pay attention, I first saw her hands
[00:16:31] and I saw, when she was already
[00:16:34] undressed, her back and hips, well..." then those
[00:16:38] are the bones and those, I don't even know ribs, that become visible, you can't confuse
[00:16:42] it with anything else, so it's easy for parents to overlook, yes,
[00:16:45] until they go to warm countries and until the warm season begins,
[00:16:49] they won't
[00:16:50] see it.
[00:16:54] First of all, it can already be noticed through both physical changes and
[00:16:58] internal changes, well, physical changes are visible, such as
[00:17:01] weight loss, the child somehow
[00:17:05] changes externally, but then... There are many, many
[00:17:09] internal changes, such as withdrawal into oneself,
[00:17:12] isolation, contacts begin to break down, so
[00:17:16] fewer friends, less connection with the same
[00:17:19] family, for example, they may refuse to go to dinner
[00:17:22] with the family, refusing, because as if I've already eaten, as if
[00:17:26] I don't want to, I'm already full there, I want to go to
[00:17:30] my room, they take food to their room,
[00:17:33] various such things can happen, it can be that...
[00:17:37] "Suddenly becomes interested in vegetarianism, it was, it was,
[00:17:40] everything was normal nutrition, suddenly became a vegetarian, or, for example,
[00:17:44] begins to be very interested in recipes, especially,
[00:17:47] recipes, culinary books, I had a case where they smelled
[00:17:51] food, for example, started smelling food, satisfying themselves with
[00:17:54] smelling food, so there are many such
[00:17:57] signs, you need to pay attention to them, they may
[00:18:00] start exercising, such compulsive exercising, when
[00:18:04] I already exercise, exercise, exercise or..." for example,
[00:18:07] such a mirror, scales,
[00:18:11] calories, such things are exaggerated,
[00:18:14] very sharpened,
[00:18:16] behavior can also be such stress, it is visible that the child's
[00:18:20] motivation to learn drops, attention
[00:18:23] concentration completely disappears, so these are
[00:18:26] things that need to be paid attention to and see what is
[00:18:28] happening.
[00:18:33] there are moments very often in life, where I
[00:18:35] feel. where I feel that my heart
[00:18:39] is icy, so petrified,
[00:18:43] it is very, very difficult to trust people, to let people
[00:18:46] in,
[00:18:48] because well, it hurt, it hurt
[00:18:52] a lot,
[00:18:58] I am recovering from anorexia and today my
[00:19:02] healthy voice is much stronger than the disease
[00:19:05] I can already control it.
[00:19:08] it, which for me today is very, very joyful,
[00:19:12] ah, but it was not always so, because anorexia manipulated
[00:19:15] me a lot, ah,
[00:19:18] it hid all the childhood
[00:19:21] traumas that were difficult for me to look in the eye and
[00:19:25] say, yes, it was, but from today we live
[00:19:29] differently, I was afraid to eat
[00:19:32] food, all those delicious
[00:19:35] products, chocolate, pastries, ah
[00:19:38] everything a person can allow themselves,
[00:19:42] also, um, body
[00:19:46] relationship with oneself, I bought smaller clothes to
[00:19:49] fit into them, that was my goal, I was very
[00:19:52] proud that I could
[00:19:56] shop in a children's clothing store
[00:20:00] and it was a very big achievement for me
[00:20:04] and I was proud of myself for what I...
[00:20:07] am striving for in the end,
[00:20:10] when I was really left
[00:20:13] m alone with the disease, I realized that it took
[00:20:17] everything from me, communication, friends,
[00:20:20] leisure, self-love, I just sat
[00:20:23] at home and couldn't eat anymore, I
[00:20:27] was afraid to eat
[00:20:29] and every 100 g on the scale I saw
[00:20:33] a kilogram, even though I already weighed 45
[00:20:36] kilograms. the goal was even smaller
[00:20:40] and I really saw myself in the mirror
[00:20:42] as a fat
[00:20:44] person.
[00:20:50] "I think I would strongly advise families to find
[00:20:54] time and have that tradition of a shared table, shared
[00:20:58] meals, for breakfast, perhaps, probably
[00:21:01] they don't really have time and it's more difficult, lunch, these
[00:21:04] days probably few people manage it, so then have that shared
[00:21:08] dinner,
[00:21:15] and for the family it will also be togetherness, because at that shared table you
[00:21:19] can really..." hear what that child lives for, he
[00:21:23] will definitely speak between sentences, between
[00:21:26] words, what
[00:21:28] is going on,
[00:21:32] parents who bring their children here, often you hear that
[00:21:35] they feel guilty, they talk about not noticing, missing,
[00:21:39] now something has happened to our child, maybe something is wrong with us,
[00:21:42] what they ask, what could we have done differently, so
[00:21:46] you always want to support parents, to say that, well...
[00:21:50] "you are already doing it now, you are already with that child, with that
[00:21:53] teenager, and that is what he needs now, because
[00:21:56] sooner or later, it will still become clear, as I mentioned
[00:22:00] earlier, children know how to hide, we don't always notice it,
[00:22:04] and I want to ask parents, please
[00:22:07] do not emphasize your children's appearance, emphasize what they
[00:22:11] have inside, it is also very important to take care of yourself,
[00:22:14] your self-worth, because children see that, children emulate,
[00:22:18] they look at their parents. and it is important
[00:22:21] to know that at that time it is very, very difficult for the teenager, that
[00:22:25] it seems he is at war with food, at war with the whole
[00:22:28] world, in reality he is at war with himself and with his
[00:22:31] pain, so it is important to be there, to be
[00:22:35] together, to accompany, even if he pushes you away, know that
[00:22:39] in any case he wants you to be there, to
[00:22:42] endure, to lift him up,
[00:22:44] accompany him, and sometimes that presence and a gentle
[00:22:47] word is much more important than any... action.
[00:22:50] veiksmą.
[00:22:55] To mothers, I would really like to say and
[00:22:58] wish to have a healthy relationship with their
[00:23:01] body, with food,
[00:23:04] to show the child, ah,
[00:23:08] how indeed a mother as a person can
[00:23:11] love herself, have her own
[00:23:15] rich world, regardless of the cult of beauty,
[00:23:18] ah... proper
[00:23:20] a eating is, it's
[00:23:24] not that I eat what works and
[00:23:28] what is unhealthy, that intuitive
[00:23:31] eating, when you can eat a piece of
[00:23:34] chocolate and enjoy it,
[00:23:36] drink delicious coffee with sugar and not
[00:23:40] blame yourself for it and involve your teenager
[00:23:44] in that game, who will also
[00:23:47] be able to emulate and accept. those beautiful and
[00:23:51] healthy examples directly from mom, because probably
[00:23:55] mom and dad lay the foundation in us, which
[00:23:59] we continue to cultivate
[00:24:00] within ourselves.
[00:24:04] in what stage am I now,
[00:24:11] I am
[00:24:13] very
[00:24:15] loving,
[00:24:18] I am very grateful to life for everything, for
[00:24:22] everything, for all the lessons I had to go through, for all the
[00:24:24] experiences, because I wouldn't be such a strong,
[00:24:28] inspiring and motivating personality, perhaps,
[00:24:32] as I am now, and for me these days it
[00:24:35] is like a uniqueness, to be able
[00:24:38] to feel, to know a person and
[00:24:42] still truly be able to listen to him
[00:24:45] without forgetting oneself and one's values,
[00:24:49] to wish.
[00:24:53] "I would like to wish myself
[00:24:55] to surrender
[00:25:00] to the flow, to surrender to the flow,
[00:25:03] not to be angry with myself, not to be angry
[00:25:06] with
[00:25:10] certain experiences and situations
[00:25:13] that you cannot control, that do not depend on you,
[00:25:17] to trust in God and maintain
[00:25:20] that connection with yourself,
[00:25:23] not to lose yourself and not to give in to others' gossip,
[00:25:27] because the greatest value you
[00:25:29] can have is peace with yourself and simply
[00:25:33] allow yourself to feel everything.